life of andyman

FIRST, ANIMALS AT CAMP

The ones I’m talking about mostly aren’t wild, though.

THE PIGS

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So a couple weeks ago Tyler and I went into town (just like in Wet Hot American Summer, when those camp counselors go into town) and one of our tasks was to find a pig farm. We found one. It smelled really bad, and when we arrived we had to wait a few minutes for the manager to arrive. When he arrived, he stepped out of the pick-up truck holding an open Coor’s Lite, no joke. A week or so later, Edd and Kalan (a.k.a “Kate”) came back from town with two dog cages in the back of their SUV. One of the dog cages was broken, and the other dog cage had two pigs in it. Also, pig poop all over the place, and a smell to wake you up in the morning.

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This is not the first time camp has purchased pigs, I learn. In fact, they still have the old pig pen set up from last time, so we put the pigs in. They are now Bill and Ted (Ted is red)(and they are WILD STALLIONS!). The plan, like it or leave it, is that we feed them the many, many leftovers, scraps, and rotten food leftover from when camp starts and we have to feed 100+ kids 3 meals a day: that’s a lot of leftover food. Then we take ‘em into town, pay a butcher to “process” them, and we get a WHOLE LOT of pork. Bill and Ted are each roughly 50 pounds currently: I’m told when we take them “to market” they’ll each be around 200 pounds!

They’re kindof cute, but I can’t seem to really cuddle up to them after that bad first impression I got of them, covered in their own poop. You know what they say, you never get a second chance at a first impression. So it’s hard for me to really view them as “pets” because if you think about it, if I brought you a dog covered in poop, you probably wouldn’t warm up to it immediately, even if you like dogs.

THE DUCKS

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Edd and Kalan thought it would be fun to get a few pet ducks. We have a small pond here at camp, roughly 15 foot diameter, and apparently if you raise and feed ducks in one spot, they’ll stay there even when they grow up.

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I have warmed up pretty well to these little cutie-pies. They are about the size of your hand and they make little chirping noises (one day, when you’re older, you’ll quack!). We put up a cage around aforementioned pond to protect them from predators. When they grow up, we’ll get rid of the cage and give them a little duck house to hide in at night. They’re named Splash, Scuba Steve, and Marla. I don’t remember the third one’s name. We don’t know if they’re male or female until they grow up.

THE HUMMINGBIRDS

We didn’t have these either, last summer. But the director’s family put up two hummingbird feeders, and, given our woodsy location, we now have probably a dozen hummingbirds that come every 30 seconds or so.

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Now, I’ve had close encounters with hummingbirds before, but I learned something. Edd and Tyler would stand still, right next to the feeder, and put their fingers beneath the feeder’s fake flowers. If you stand still and quiet, not only will the hummingbirds still visit the feeder (inches from your face, so close you can probably smell ‘em!), but they may even perch themselves on your finger! (This is a picture of Tyler’s hand inches from a hummingbird–sorry it’s blurry). I had no idea hummingbirds would let you get that close! And, heck, since they’re tied with wood-peckers as my favorite birds, I’m just pleased as punch.

NOW, CRAZY THINGS THAT HAVE HAPPENED RECENTLY

Offical summer camp starts June 18. For those of us here at camp eary, we get the 6 days before camp off from work. Tyler thought it would be funny is we tried to get jobs for 6 days and then quit. I had to agree that is pretty hilarious in it’s absurdity. And, if that’s not enough, what if we flipped burgers at everyone’s favorite joint: The McDonald’s!

And lo! We managed to find a McDonaldas with “Now Hiring” under their big golden arch. We filled out an application, though I confess I only put camp under my previous jobs because I didn’t want them calling any of other old bosses to ask about a job at a McDonald’s. The manager, Priscilla, said we should try to come back the next day for some preliminary paperwork.

This was somewhat of a dilemma come the next morning. We found out noone was driving into town that day, and neither of us brought cars to camp. So, there was only one option, really. For the first time in my life I did legitimate hitchhiking.

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We walked for 3-4 miles away from camp, sticking our thumbs out at passing drivers, but no luck. A friend of the camp director’s saw us and drove us a short distance to the first tiny town right next to camp, Rye, Colorado. At this point, we found a piece of cardboard trash on the side of the road and made a sign. I wasn’t sure what to put on the sign, but I knew I had to make people trust us. Possibilities included “COLLEGE GRAD needs ride,” “NOT BUM OR HIPPY, CLEAN, NICE FELLOWS to Gap or Bust.” But finally we decided on “CAMP COUNSELORS need ride!” We got picked up twice more, and each person mentioned the sign as being effective!

The first guy that picked us up had the best story. Mr. Ed Gallagher is a nearly 80-year old professor of theatre and communications. He is best known for his work as an opera stage designer. Get this: his latest production was Faust which was aired on PBS! And if that’s not enough, he WON AN EMMY FOR IT! Can you believe we, hitchhikers, got picked up by an Emmy-award-winning opera stage designer? I can’t either, but he was completely nice and very interesting to talk to. He also said for a few years in the 60s he worked at Indiana University. He said Ed McMahon handed him his Emmy, and he didn’t expect to win, so he didn’t have a speech. Wow. He drove us to the interstate.

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The next guy that gave us a ride, was named something unusual like Doyle Guken. Anyway, he said his daughter goes to our camp (it’s a real small town that our camp sits in) and so he stopped to give us a ride. He had several jobs including buffalo rancher, substitute bus-driver, and horse stall construction. He was also very nice to talk to, especially since he had a daughter that went to our camp. He drove us all the way to Pueblo, where he was already going. He offered to drop us off at our destination, but we told him we’d walk, partially because we were embarrassed to have him drop us off at McDonalds.

That’s right, McDonalds, remember that’s how this story began? Well, inside MccyD’s we took a little test that gave hypothetical situations and asked us how we would react. For example, A woman eats almost all of her sandwich and then complains that she wants a different one. Is it acceptable to (a) tell her it must not have been that bad since she ate most of it. (b) Tell her you’re sorry but she’ll have to pay if she wants another one (c) give her a new one and apologize (d) speak with your manager (e) spit in it, throw it in her face and scream “IS THAT BETTER?!!” Despite my temptation to pick (e), I was told that I only missed one question on the test. Well, it just goes to show what a college degree’ll do for you.

Well, Priscilla is supposed to call us back about the job, but I haven’t gotten any messages yet. Frankly, I’m not concerned either way because while I think it would be pretty funny, there are obvious moral issues with pretending you’re getting a job when you really only plan to work there for 5 days.

OK, well that’s enough for now. I leave you with something interesting that I learned from a children’s book about astronomy that I found lying around. You know Solar Flares, those huge flares that are dozens of times larger than Earth and mess up our electronics? I learned what causes those.

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Apparently the equator and the poles of the sun rotate at different speeds. The poles complete a rotation in 34 days, the equator in 27 days. Magnetic fields, positive and negative, move with the rotating sun. But, because the magnetic fields are rotating at different speeds, they get twisted around the sun. When it gets twisted enough, a positive magnetic field approaches a negative one, and they explode when they collide, sending out flames and such in the shape of a horseshoe magnet! I wish I had taken more astronomy in college! [but when I look it up in Wikipedia it says, "the mechanism by which 'prominences' form is not yet well understood. Theories have not satisfactorily explained how [they work]“]

Oh, one more thing, the ideas were not mine, but this year I designed two of the camp t-shirts:

Finally, this is pretty cool, and I suggest you check it out, and then try it in your own hometown! People are making these question mark boxes, and then hiding power-ups inside them. See for yourself at THIS website.